Proof is in the pudding!!!

Where do I start? How do I say it? Why? What happened? Is it my fault?? It is my fault!! When did I change?? Dramatic introduction right...thought I'd come back a bit dramatic. Since the last time I talked about my "weightloss journey" I was doing so good. Well guess what I quit!! Go ahead throw your tomatoes and get out your frustration at me....I did it. I was the one who sat day in and day out bashing myself. So if there's anyone out there who feels like they should bash me go ahead. Honestly I pretty much broke my own self esteem and motivation. I haven't weighed myself so I can't tell you how much I weigh but I definitely know I've gained. I can tell just by how I've been feeling lately...you know like a lazy fat ass who stuffs her face for enjoyment. I'm around good food all the time, not just oh that taste good food...more like omgahhhh what is this..who made this..why is it so mouth watering. Exactly fat ass but seriously my mom is like the best cook but she doesn't cook healthy at all!! In fact she has her own weigh problems so going home on the weekends from school is pretty hard. Oh then there's the fact that I live around majority Latinos....mix their food with African Americans yep pretty much my life. Is it bad that I want some pozole right now!! Ok getting off track here but damn that would be the shit!! With all that said its pretty hard to stay on track. I'm not necessarily rolling around in money to buy expensive ass health foods. So I was feeling pretty bad for myself but I realized its ok to fail in fact your that much closer to succeeding. I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying. I still go to the gym not as much but I go and I try to make it count. Just like a drug addicted relapses so does a 23yr old trying to get back healthy, lets not add the stress of school, a relationship that went south, family problems, money problems etc on top of that. I swear I could write a book and you guys would shit your pants reading all the bs I go through daily!!! So I quit...but I'm not giving up. I did by unhealthy food this month but I didn't go completely unhealthy either!! My plan is to of course finish my food I have already....money is nothing to waste around here. After that I'm going to fast for a couple of days clean my system. Then slowly jump back on the health train. I'm just here to let you know I slipped up....in the beginning I said I wanted to be 100% honest and that's what I intend to do!! XoXo, tMarie