So much has happened!!!!!

Well hey there world so much has happened since we last spoke. So many great things to share I can't wait to tell you guys all the details.

Mental breakdown and Minor setbacks....Goodbye 2012!!

So 2012 was an ok year for me but the last couple of months of the year man, I have been through a lot to say the least. Even though it wasn't what I expected from the year there has been some great times. First I went to Chicago this summer with friends it was a good trip. I'm definitely going back maybe next summer. I also started to be more healthy and exercise more. Even though lately with all the holiday foods I probably gained a couple of pounds......ok who am I kidding I'm a whale!! It was also a real test on my relationship, well not really because we aren't together but working on us. The things that I've learned is that I need to look out for myself before I try to take care of anyone else. Everyone looks out for themselves and that's ok I just need to look out for me. Positivity also has been a hugeeeeee thing I've been working on with myself. I've been trying to be a more positive person by counting my blessing and being thankful for everything. Recently I've been getting back into my faith and praying more. About a week or two ago I had a mental breakdown. I felt like I wouldn't amount to nothing that I was dumb. I was so upset with myself and I felt like a disappointment to my family. School has been so stressful and I didn't really do good this semester because of personal things. I wasn't focused my mind was on other things like my relationship, my family whether or not my mom and me were going to have a home. Worrying about money and if I was going to finally get a decent job plus my health. I go through a lot but no one will ever know because I never show it, I just held it in and finally it all just came out. I still don't know if I'll be able to start this next semester at school but with Gods grace anything is possible. I'm still smiling and blessed to have everything that I have. I was a premature baby that had open heart surgery and was told I wasn't going to make it. That if I did there was a good chance of complications. Well I'm healthy, smart, strong and I know that my life was meant to be amazing or I wouldn't be here. So here's a few pictures of the year and I'm definitely looking forward to 2013 and all the good things to come!! XoXo, t.Marie22

The Day After Christmas!!!

So are you guys ready for the new year!! I am but I'm not things have really been super hard in my life right now, it's kind of hard to smile. I'm trying though and I'm blessed to have my family and friends in my life. I did receive some good news along with some bad but I'm working on it or me I should say!! Setting some goals for my blog this coming year...lets see if I go through with them!! Do you guys have New Years resolutions?? Not me I'm just going to go with the flow and focus on being positive!! Counting my blessings everyday!! Well just wanted to come by and write down my thoughts!! XoXo, tMarie22

Today.....December 9th 2012!!

Well today was an extremely hard day for me. I've been feeling so drained lately and the fact that is was fathers Birthday was just the icing on the cake. It never gets easier to lose someone so close to you. Needless to say I was feeling sorry for myself basically a emotional wreck!! My weight has been up and down just all over the place. I know I'm going to lose the weight because I am determined but its so hard mentally. Hopefully I can kick it into gear this week...since my finals will be over. XoXo,t.Marie

Proof is in the pudding!!!

Where do I start? How do I say it? Why? What happened? Is it my fault?? It is my fault!! When did I change?? Dramatic introduction right...thought I'd come back a bit dramatic. Since the last time I talked about my "weightloss journey" I was doing so good. Well guess what I quit!! Go ahead throw your tomatoes and get out your frustration at me....I did it. I was the one who sat day in and day out bashing myself. So if there's anyone out there who feels like they should bash me go ahead. Honestly I pretty much broke my own self esteem and motivation. I haven't weighed myself so I can't tell you how much I weigh but I definitely know I've gained. I can tell just by how I've been feeling lately...you know like a lazy fat ass who stuffs her face for enjoyment. I'm around good food all the time, not just oh that taste good food...more like omgahhhh what is this..who made this..why is it so mouth watering. Exactly fat ass but seriously my mom is like the best cook but she doesn't cook healthy at all!! In fact she has her own weigh problems so going home on the weekends from school is pretty hard. Oh then there's the fact that I live around majority Latinos....mix their food with African Americans yep pretty much my life. Is it bad that I want some pozole right now!! Ok getting off track here but damn that would be the shit!! With all that said its pretty hard to stay on track. I'm not necessarily rolling around in money to buy expensive ass health foods. So I was feeling pretty bad for myself but I realized its ok to fail in fact your that much closer to succeeding. I'm not perfect but at least I'm trying. I still go to the gym not as much but I go and I try to make it count. Just like a drug addicted relapses so does a 23yr old trying to get back healthy, lets not add the stress of school, a relationship that went south, family problems, money problems etc on top of that. I swear I could write a book and you guys would shit your pants reading all the bs I go through daily!!! So I quit...but I'm not giving up. I did by unhealthy food this month but I didn't go completely unhealthy either!! My plan is to of course finish my food I have already....money is nothing to waste around here. After that I'm going to fast for a couple of days clean my system. Then slowly jump back on the health train. I'm just here to let you know I slipped up....in the beginning I said I wanted to be 100% honest and that's what I intend to do!! XoXo, tMarie